Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
