Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
