I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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