her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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