listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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