I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
