They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
