Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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