No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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