How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
