And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
