She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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