Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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