And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
