Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I could fuck to npr.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
