I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
