You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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