$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Im part way to drunk.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
