I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
