those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I am spending my child support on dildos
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
