I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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