I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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