How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
