mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
