I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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