Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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