I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Randomize
