can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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