This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
