I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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