i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Randomize
