five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
