Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just took my morning after pill in the library
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
