i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
