Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
