i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
