P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Did I show you my penis last night?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
