maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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