i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
We are all done wearing pants today
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
