why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
