just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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