Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
