i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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