i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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