That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
