the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
