So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
We need to rekindle our bromance
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
