I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
handjob tips. give me some.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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