You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
