i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
